Self care is one very important area to address when managing the ups and downs when trying to create a family is not happening in the typical way. We often become so focused in the moment to moment tasks involved and forget that we are still living, breathing people that also need attention. This page is dedicated to giving you ideas that I hope will bring you comfort and support while also improving coping skills.
Mindfulness activities are super helpful. Many times in this process we look forward to things that we need to do next ( appointments, shots, etc.) and the focus very often becomes ‘when this happens’ or ‘when that happens’. These things take us into the future which creates anxious waiting and not knowing. Also when there are miscarriages, stillbirth or infant loss, this can create a sense of being stuck back there deep in grief and trying to sort out what happened. Mindfulness helps to bring our thoughts to the present moment. We can regulate our current emotional state and work towards relaxation. Some ways to do this are:
- Notice five things in the environment that are around you and describe them
- Notice for a moment where your body makes contact with the chair or floor and how that feels in your body
- Use the five senses to describe where you are at in this moment. ie. it feels cold, the room is bright, etc.
- when I was waiting for all of the appointments, I used to look at the decor in the room and look for patterns in wall paper or in the rug or curtains.
- music can be helpful to either play an instrument, take a lesson or listen to songs that help you feel calm. Or perhaps playing the drums to release some of the strong feelings would be helpful.
- Watching comedies was always super helpful, either movies or tv programs.
- Create a mantra such as, “In this moment I am okay.”
- Deliberately stop in between activities/tasks throughout the day and for 30 seconds to one minute take slow deep breaths and acknowledge the task completion before moving to the next thing.
- Remember to go to the movies with friends or go out on a date with your partner.
- Get a massage or have a spa day.
- Get your nails done
There are so many things that can be added here, the bottom line is to take care of yourself and honor that this is difficult and that self care is as necessary as the next treatment. If the struggle becomes so overwhelming that none of these things are effective, perhaps seeking professional counseling support or a support group may help to get you started.